Category
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> Big & Tall Clothing Stores
Originally designed to cater to customers whose height or width (or entire shape altogether) exceeds the range found in normal retail clothing stores, these stores have since become a refuge for those who somehow choose to wear clothes that seem too large for them—allowing them to upgrade to clothes that are absurdly way too large for them.
On the other end of the spectrum, those who require clothes that are too small or tight for them do not seem to require any specialty store. For females, most don’t seem to have a problem finding clothes too small for them in any store. Additionally, children’s stores are also an option. For males, the female section of retail stores seems to suffice.
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> Cellular Telephones
Useful in a pinch, and terribly convenient; sometimes more terrible than convenient, though. For the most part, cellular phones seem to be more of a hassle than anything. Usually the ones that take advantage of the ability to communicate with the owner of a cell phone at any time seem to be those who said owner would really rather not communicate with at that time…
200708.19. Cellular phones are used by some as a means of vocal exercise. Some users can be easily heard due to their raised voices used during calls. This may be because of primitive and/or defective components (both voice amplification and sound output), faulty transmission equipment (satellites, signal towers, et cetera) or just a general ignorance of how loud one is while on the phone.
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> Feasting horn
A ceremonial musical instrument. Not much is known about its origin or history except that it is sounded to herald the commencement of the consumption a large meal or an unhealthy candy alternative to a meal.
Video archive:
Urban Dare
Two hours, 44 minutes, 44 seconds. That’s how long it took for Taco vs. Grilled Cheese (our team name) to complete the Urban Dare challenge in Tampa, FL (results listed here).
The Hitchhiker’s Guide quotes the official word on what Urban Dare is, and then adds a curious bit at the end:
Generally, one team doesn’t make it out alive.
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> The Sampler
Whether you know it or not, you know a sampler.
We’ve all been to a few restaurants and we’ve all been to them with a few friends. It turns out, that the more friends you go with to a single sitting at a restaurant, the more likely you will encounter the sampler.
Simply put, by the end of the evening, that individual will have partaken of at least a portion of every plate at the table.
Good health to you.
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> Metamorphosis
1. Biology. a profound change in form from one stage to the next in the life history of an organism, as from the caterpillar to the pupa and from the pupa to the adult butterfly.
2. a complete change of form, structure, or substance, as transformation by magic or witchcraft.
3. any complete change in appearance, character, circumstances, etc.
Example: Butterfly. …Before a butterfly is ever a butterfly as we know it, it goes through several stages of life before realizing how great it is to be a butterfly. Entering visible existence as an egg, this stage is rather insignificant and usually overlooked by most living organisms and always ignored by non-living organisms. Emerging from the egg is a caterpillar, at which point it begins eating. The caterpillar so enjoys this newly-learned ability that it continues to eat for a few weeks. Having eaten far too much, the caterpillar pauses to loosen its belt and maybe even unbutton its pants for comfort. Lethargic with food, the future butterfly decides a nap will do it well. To assure an uninterrupted sleep, the caterpillar spins a cocoon around itself and promptly nods off. Due to the lack of alarm clocks in the butterfly world, our subject remains in this pupa stage for another week or so. It wakes up and and comes out to a good news/bad news scenario.
The good news: it now has large, colorful wings and no longer looks like a grub. It also no longer has to pay a penalty to rent a car.
The bad news: It spent half it’s life crawling around, eating salad and sleeping.
At which point it immediately flies off, completely unaware of the potential havoc it could wreak with a simple flap of its wings.
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> Kittens
The tragedy that every beloved kitten faces is adulthood. After some time, kittens skip puberty altogether and–seemingly overnight–turn from “awwww, a kitten!”, into “Oh. A cat?…I’m allergic to cats“. Kitten owners have an animal that everybody loves and has a great time with. Most cat owners, though, have an animal that is now known for shedding hair all over your sofa and chairs and suits and dresses. With adulthood, a cat develops the ability to poop into sand chemically designed to hide odor, and have the aforementioned turd smell like it’s right under your nose, perhaps resting on your upper lip.
Needless to say (but we’re going to say anyway), people usually like kittens more than they like their older, larger counterparts, but you can’t have one without the other…unless you just got a full grown cat.
Additionally, if you are a struggling writer, consider getting a cat. You may find yourself among this list of famous writers who loved cats:
- T.S. Elliot
- William Butler Yeats
- Christina Rossetti
- John Keats
- J.R.R. Tolkien
- Mark Twain
- Christopher Smart
- Ernest Hemingway
- Oscar Wilde
If you already have a cat and are still a struggling writer, get another cat.
If you already have more than one cat, and still no luck, consider the fact that there are no famous writers that are also known among their neighbours as the “cat lady”. It’s a delicate balance.
Hitchhiker’s Guide Entry> Tritch
tritch (trich)
-noun
1. One who willingly causes hardship and trouble for others, sometimes for selfish gain.
2. One who tritches.
-verb (tritched • tritching • tritchy)
3. An act that causes hardship and trouble for others, usually deliberate.
[Origin: 530-600, Anglo-Saxon. Þorǣch (thorrach), lit. "to drop one's torch"]
Tritch is a simple, yet versatile term used mainly out of frustration by the victim of an act that would be deemed tritchy. As is the case with almost all slang or colloquialisms that allow one to express anger or frustration, the term is readily accepted and widely used throughout all existence, proving that everyone has something (or someone) to gripe about.
iBrows
The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy says very little about internet browsers. It says even less about the “browser wars”. About this struggle between browsers for popularity and market share, it reads:
The smart thing to do if you find yourself in the middle of any type of browser-based fray is to quietly excuse yourself with your browser of choice kept silently to yourself. These kind of battles generally focus on negativities and don’t really serve to accomplish much.
This doesn’t mean that browser preference is a taboo subject. Explaining why you might prefer one over another is much different than discussions that start with “Internet Explorer sucks because…” or “Firefox is gay because…” or “Safari is for losers…”. For example, I’ve nothing against IE, but I use Firefox most of the time for a number of reasons.
Checking my stats, I notice that most of my visitors (about 50%) are using Firefox. So I’m likely preaching to the choir, or at least a regular church goer. But there is so much more to browsers nowadays than just the ability to view websites, I’m sure there’s many out there who aren’t taking full of advantage of some of the additional features of their browser (myself included).
Tabbed browsing is nice and convenient. Firefox also makes good even if it crashes or has to close for one reason or another by remembering your last session (all Firefox windows and tabs) and offering to put everything back the way it was before the crash.
The main reason I use Firefox, though, is the Add-Ons. “Add-ons extend Firefox, letting you personalize your browsing experience.” Personalize is an OK word…but I see the add-ons as more of a streamlining tool. Aside from being easy to install/implement, they make doing the things I do with my browser much easier. Sure, there are themes and things you can add to make the browser look a certain way, but I don’t use those. To give you a better idea of what I’m trying to say, I’ll list the add-ons I’m using:
Sage - This is my RSS reader. It’s a very simple application, but that’s all I really want from an RSS feed aggregator. I can pick up feeds from a website, save them, and see when they update. Easy peasy blog browsing.
FoxyTunes - It controls any media player from a minimal set of buttons placed on my status bar. Even Pandora. It’s also skinable, so if you’re into the whole theme deal, your FoxyTunes buttons will match your browser.
FireFTP - An FTP client. Not much bells or whistles…just an uncomplicated application I use to add images or any other files to my website.
Web Developer - This is a menu and toolbar that is basically a must-have if you’re a designer/developer. WordPress themes and templates can get pretty complicated, and the Web Dev application made customizing and wading through the PHP and CSS so much easier. Just a simple keystroke and I can see all the element information (div blocks, CSS styles, etc) just by moving my mouse over a certain area. This is probably my favorite add-on; it’s so robust and, like the other add-ons, super easy to use.
If you use Firefox, I’d suggest checking out the Firefox Add-Ons website. The tools I use mainly help with blogging and stuff, but there’s so much more than that available. Happy browsing, and stay out of trouble.
Fixing your iPod
I was going to attach this to the last post, but it got a bit long, so I decided to just give it it’s own post. If you’ve read my old blog, you’re familiar with my HitchHiker’s Guide entries. If not, they’re basically additional related information at the end of a post (usually), done in my best HitchHiker’s Guide to the Galaxy style. So keep an eye for the occasional guide entry at the end of a post.
On to the subject at hand:
HitchHiker’s Guide Entry> iPod
What to do if you drop your iPod in the loo (or manage to submerge it some other way)
Hopefully you have already removed it from whatever water source it was in. If not, stop reading at once and start an intense course of getting your priorities straight.
Do not plug your iPod in or try to charge it. Your first priority is to get all the water out of the device. The water isn’t necessarily the enemy, but water is always hanging around with rust and oxidation, and those two are never up to any good. If possible, remove the back cover, and carefully take out the battery. Gingerly dry out the insides of the iPod with a soft, lint-free cloth. If you’re a guy, be mindful that none of your guy friends see you doing anything *gingerly*.
Turn your oven on to it’s lowest setting (150F-170F). Put a clean, dry towel (you should have one on you) on a flat pan, and put the iPod on the towel. Place the pan in the center of the oven, and leave the oven door open slightly, if possible. Cook the iPod for about 4-6 hours, checking it periodically (every 15 minutes or so). Do not let it cook overnight, and do not leave the stove unattended.
After you remove the iPod from the oven, let it cool down, and then put the battery and all other components back in place.
If you don’t have an oven, there are many other heat sources that may be used. The trick is to find somewhere continually warm (not too hot). Depending on the source, it may need to sit for longer, days even.
If you want to test it out, try to avoid initially using an AC adapter, as it supplies higher levels of potentially harmful current than just the battery, giving way to a higher risk of shorting a component out.
Finally, now that you’ve taken steps to remediate the immediate problem, focus on the underlying cause. Here is some recommended reading:
What Not to Wash by Dr. Marian Bern, an excellent guide to laundering precautions. Also, the article, “Before you jump in the pool with your trousers on” by street psychologist Penelope St. Damascus in the magazine Dare-Taking Idiot’s Monthly has some helpful tips to improve your memory and pocket content awareness.
For droppers, The Opposable Thumb Handbook by O.M. McGoverin is immensely eye-opening; or perhaps you’d prefer the straightforward and simple approach with the colorfully illustrated, Why Is This Finger Different? by beloved children’s bookwriter and grizzled war hero Sgt. Lawrence Rodriquez.
The FourTwo seeks to provide its readers with satisfying answers to the questions they've always sought to understand.